Helena Gardener: Welcome to, Here’s the Story, A show that brings student affairs to life by sharing the authentic voices and lived experience of those who are shaping the field every day. I am your host, Helena Gardner. My pronouns are she, her, hers, and I have served in higher education for 20 plus years in multiple institutions, and at fact, I’m sitting in my office right now.

I live my life as a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend, and a mental. We’re gonna dive into today’s story in just a minute, but first I wanna share something new. We are launching at Student Affairs Now. Student Affairs now has always been more than a podcast. It’s a learning community for educators who care deeply about the future of higher education and student affairs.

So for the first, for the past five years, we’ve created space for conversations that inform and inspire and affirm all of the work that we do now. We are launching a Student Affairs now, Patreon. Yes, A Patreon to create even more ways for our community to engage, connect, and keep conversations going. You can learn more about us by joining the Patreon, and I’m gonna read it because it’s brand new.

This is brand new, so you can find us at patreon.com/student affairs now and really just continue to explore, to learn and to grow. In these changing times, that’s what we need. That’s what we need as a profession, is to be in shared space so that we can keep stretching our minds and figuring these things out.

And I’m gonna do one more thing before we get to the magic of today’s guest. I’m going to introduce our sponsor folio Designs and manufacturers furniture, specifically for residence halls in high youth student housing with more than 10,000 completed residence hall projects and 35 years of experience.

They’re one of the most trusted names in this space. And it’s special because today we are joined by one of Folio’s own and a friend, both a long-term friend, like we have been in multiple states and was like, oh, hey, you work here. Oh, I work here. And connected and found ourself connected at my current institution when it came here a few years ago.

One of the things that I enjoy most about this person, ’cause I’m gonna let him introduce himself, is that not only does he keep it real, he cares about people, he thinks about people, he remembers people. And if you got any questions, he won’t answer those for you in a real human being kind of way.

And if you need to be snatched up in checked, he’ll do that. For you as well, but mostly he is my guest today. I’m excited to be here and I’m grateful that he took a little time. And I’m gonna turn it over to my friend, Jacquez, and please introduce yourself.

Jacquez Gray: How’s it going? How’s it going? Thank you for that introduction.

I wasn’t expecting that, so appreciate it. Like Alina said, Jacquez, I use he, him pronouns. I am from the south side of Chicago, and this is me. I talk about this. Anywhere I go, anywhere I, any, anytime I’m in community with people, especially our people, I talk about me being from the south side now, Dr.

Crystal la, she from the west side. And I know y’all heard her talk about that. And so sometimes, we go back and forth a little bit because she from the west side, from the south side, and we don’t always get along. But it’s okay in moments where we need to, we can.

Helena Gardener: I love that. And I love that you even point out, a former guest. ’cause shout out to Crystal Le,

Jacquez Gray: shout out.

Helena Gardener: I really enjoy Dr. Crystal. That was a great episode for me, for us, for shared experience experiences, but you just continue to point out that the field is like this big. And so we all know each other in some way, and if we didn’t know each other, we almost deal it.

But I’m from Detroit, so I don’t know about that exactly. I know about that Chicago stuff because we need to play that. But Jacquez, I know you got a story to tell today, what you dropping on us today? Take it over.

Jacquez Gray: When I when I thought about doing the podcast, I wanted to make sure I was intentional and make sure that I was thinking about where I am right now and what has gotten me through tough times, what has gotten me through situations what has gotten me through hardships, and as folks of color, as black folks, these things tend to happen often.

And I always had to find something to lean on or to anchor me as I tried to continue on this journey. So today I feel like I’m preaching. I feel like we in church,

Helena Gardener: you think I set up straight

Jacquez Gray: together. Don’t worry, we’re gonna hold the offering after this. Ready? No, but for real though, I think something that I’ve been reflecting on recently is this idea of faith.

And me, I was born and raised in church my whole life. I sing a choir in church. I did so much I anything you think about church, I was there, to this day I love, if you follow, I

Helena Gardener: feel like I saw on social media, you might have been there before,

Jacquez Gray: was I was at Church Sunday

At Greater Harvest Missionary Baptist Church in Chicago. Shout out to them. But anyway, in my life, I’ve always been in church and that has been something that has grounded me. Not the idea of church or the idea of religion, but my faith, right? And when I talk about faith, I’m talking about Jesus Christ.

Just to be clear, and this is me. This is my beliefs. What I’m not, when we talk about faith sometimes, especially now, I’m not talking about this evangelical idea that relates to politics and that no. I’m talking about Jesus, who his hair was wooly. You know what I mean?

And so that we know what wool looks like. And so that’s what I’m talking about. And so this idea of faith is resilience and so how do we think about that? Something that you believe in and something that anchors you can help you be resilient in times. So that’s the message today. That’s the story.

So Jacquez me. I’m not gonna talk about myself in third person ’cause I think that’ll be weird. But I went to Western Illinois University. Again, I’m from the south side of Chicago, so I stayed I stayed in state because it was cheaper and it was just easier for me to get to school. Love western, I believe purple and gold.

Anybody know I talk about this school, like I’ve worked there for years. I, anytime there’s something happening, I got on purple and gold. I’m repping the school clearly. I got my flag right there. And this, I didn’t put this there for the podcast either, that was already there. At Western Illinois, I majored in law enforcement, minored in African American studies.

And I’ll tell you about the reason why the law enforcement. I was an RA for three years. I won RA of the year, my last year, some light, some small. I was president of the gospel choir and I don’t think you knew that. Maybe you did. I don’t know. Yeah, I was president.

I sang in the gospel choir all four years in college. We went on tour, we did a lot of things and I was president the last two years, I believe. And the, my, my college experience is something that I will never forget. And I think a lot of folks who go to college, good and bad, you remember everything and they teach you things as you go forward.

In college I had the opportunity to work as an advisor or at the advisory office for law enforcement where I was at the front desk. And this is truly how I got to know people and how I. This confidence to be talking to folks that I have no idea. So juniors and seniors and all these people will come in oh man, I need to take this course.

And I’ll be like yeah, you take this course. I’m a first year student. I have no idea what they’re talking about. So I’m like yeah, you got it. But I, this was my first job on a college campus. And so I did that and it was a good experience. I got to know the advisors and it truly helped me understand this idea of law enforcement and what classes I need to take.

While I was there, I was, I experienced pockets of racism, but I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know that this was happening, right? Being from Chicago, you’re surrounded by folks who look like you. So you, you don’t really see it often Granted it happens, right? But it’s until it’s, you are exposed to it.

Then you be, you begin to see oh, this is what it is. So I worked at a desk. I made appointments for students to see their advisors. I helped some students choose classes, things like that. And in this role, that’s what I was hired to do. And then I had this full-time person who was next to me in this role.

Cool, cool. I never. We never had any issues. I’m a first year student, so I don’t know anything. I, yeah, whatever you say I’ll do. I noticed that it was me and another student and I noticed that I never had the opportunity to work at the desk. I was always in the back shredding for some strange reason I.

And I was like, yeah, I’ll go shred, like whatever. So I would always be doing that and it just felt strange to me. ’cause I would come in and the other student worker would be at the desk and we like shift change shifts or whatever. And then when I sat down it, I had to go work in the shredding room for some reason.

Whatever. I shredded these papers because I was getting paid, whatever. And it was one day I was sitting at the desk with a full-time employee of the school and she mentioned just conversation. She was from Macomb, Illinois, and if you know anything about McComb, it’s nothing.

But KO Fields is very rural. And she just talked a little bit about her experience growing up in Macomb, and this is an older woman. And one of the last things she said was that, here in Macomb and I’m a, I’m gonna preface this, so prepare yourself, but here in Macomb we used to burn down black people houses.

And this woman said this to me, and I’m sitting here I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t even, I didn’t know what to say because I’m shocked. Why did you feel the need to tell me this? Know what I mean? And she was like yeah, we used to do this, but we don’t do it now. But yeah, we used to burn down black people houses and dah.

And I, I didn’t know what to do with that information. And so it, it left me feeling odd. It left me feeling strange. And luckily I have built community with the folks I work with the director, like they all knew me. And so I went back to tell my ra. Hey. This weird thing is strange, right?

This weird thing happened to me and my ra is currently was in higher ed too. I think he has since left the field, but we had a conversation and he talked to me about talking to my boss the director. So I did that and this, the person was moved, right? I still worked there all four years in college, right?

And it. It was still an experience that I didn’t understand yet, but I was able to understand it when I left college and it always came back to me of, wow, you experienced that and you had a sense of resilience and you didn’t know it, right? You kept going, right? And then I joined the gospel choir and I talked about me being in the gospel choir, and I think that was a point in college my freshman year where I was able to connect my faith again.

To get me through these struggles subconsciously that I didn’t even know that I was dealing with. You know what I mean? Just in general, you can think about college, you think about experiences of black and brown folks and what people say to you and things like that. And I didn’t understand fully what I was experienced experiencing until I went to grad school.

But the gospel choir was able to boost up my faith and make me understand what am I, what do I believe in? Who is this Jesus guy? Granted, yes, I was born in church and raised in church but it is not until you get to understand it for yourself and now you’re away from home. You know what I mean?

Now you don’t have a choice, but to be like, all right, it’s on me. My mama can’t help me. So I, it, it really truly grounded me and made me understand that thi this is not normal, right? I shouldn’t experience things like this and I shouldn’t always have to rely on my faith to get me through certain things that shouldn’t happen.

You know what I mean? And so another a story or another instance and when in college I. My sophomore year my brother was sentenced to 77 years in jail. It was my sophomore year in college. And again, my mom is a single parent.

Helena Gardener: You

Jacquez Gray: 77? Seven seven. And yeah, my brother is 10 years older than me.

You don’t need to know my age ’cause I’m getting really old. So just chill out everybody. Do the math. No, I’m kidding. But anyway, yeah, my brother was sentenced to 77 years in prison for a crime that he did not commit. And again. Being from Chicago, being on the south side of Chicago my mom did a great job in raising all three of her sons, and I’m the youngest, right?

And I find great pride in being the youngest child, they all think I’m spoiled. What? Call it what you want to, it is what it is. I’m the favorite.

Helena Gardener: We are, we probably are.

Jacquez Gray: But he, when you think about the city of Chicago and the immediate surrounding suburbs of Chicago, sometimes it is very prejudice, right?

Because you got these inner youth people coming to our suburbs or whatever. And so my brother had been through the system a couple times and this judge remembered him. He was charged. The case that he was charged on carried a minimum of seven years and a maximum of 77. That’s a big difference.

And he got the latter end of it. And so again, that was a moment in my life where. What the fuck, what is going on? You know what I mean? I’m a sophomore in college, and then I started to second guess myself. Why am I here? Like my mom is angry, my mom is going through it, and I’m in Macomb, Illinois, you know what I’m saying?

Going out, drinking. You know what I mean? And so I had a moment of I, this is, I feel like I’m being selfish, my brother is experiencing this and I’m in college, right? And then again, it brings me back. To this gospel choir thing that was there that actually saved me. And what I was feeling, what I was thinking and reminded me that, things will get better.

You don’t understand it now. And since then, my brother is still in jail. And that I was in college a while ago. However, we have been to court multiple times, multiple appeals, and now he’s on the end of this where he’ll be getting out soon. Know what I mean? And I could get emotional, but I won’t.

But it is something that is truly amazing to think about for my mom specifically, like that’s the piece that I care most about, right? Because this mom I’m a mama’s boy, i’m probably the mama’s boy, my other two brothers aren’t. And so to see her have a relief makes me feel good.

You know what I mean? And when I think about that story or that instance, again, it’s I shouldn’t be experiencing this. Like this isn’t normal, for a sophomore human in college to have to be thinking about what’s going on at home, that’s so detrimental to his family.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And somebody’s being taken away and essentially giving life in jail.

Helena Gardener: Yeah.

Jacquez Gray: That’s what it is. My brother is 10 years older than me. That’s life. And so I. I reflected on that and I think about that often. Just that experience and me being in college and how I felt, I think I put it away a little bit, but how I felt the selfishness and, which is I wasn’t being selfish.

But it’s just a natural feeling that you get.

Helena Gardener: Yeah.

Jacquez Gray: But this idea of, I gotta keep pushing, right? Because this is happening with my brother, I still gotta graduate. I still, I can’t be, I can’t fall into the system, I still gotta keep pushing because my mom is pushing for me to be different and to make a difference, right?

And so I did, obviously I graduated and I went on to get my master’s degree in higher ed. So I, when I think about again, faith I, the definition of faith is, it’s the substance of things hope for and the evidence of things not seen. So faith is the substance of things hope for, and the evidence of things not seen.

Now, some people can get that because how I use faith, I use it as if it’s my religion, right? ’cause when we think about religion is literally something you do. And over again. That’s really it, right? There is no, there’s no umph to it. Like my mom would say that it doesn’t mean anything, right?

But faith is something that you can believe in. You may not see it, but you know that this is real, right?

Helena Gardener: Yeah.

Jacquez Gray: And so I, throughout that, my college experience throughout that, that, that time in my life, right? That was a huge moment. For me and understanding what faith is and not getting the two things mixed up.

Last story. So I go to college I graduate, I go get my master’s degree in higher education. I’m out in the world. I’m like, yes, we made it. We’re gonna do the damn thing. We’re gonna be out here. You got

Helena Gardener: to meet me

Jacquez Gray: out. I did. I did. I did. I did when I got to when I went to Arizona, I was able to meet the greatest right here, Helena.

And. I, again, I experienced things that I think people shouldn’t have to experience. And when I, and grad school really helped me be reflective, even though I hate reflecting in my, one of the professors Dr. Jane Summers, I would talk about reflection in class all the time. I would say, this is really stupid, huh?

Helena Gardener: Yeah. I’m incredibly surprised. We’ll talk about that post.

Jacquez Gray: Oh yeah, I know you, I know it’s very surprising ’cause I reflect so much. Yeah. But I hated it reflecting in class. I don’t know why. ’cause she would always make us write and I’d be like, I just wrote all, anyway. Anyway, we talk about grad school later.

But I became very reflective on my identities as a black man and what that meant for predominantly white institutions in student affairs and in housing, right? I am a woo. That’s my number one. What is it? Is that my Riggs? No,

Helena Gardener: that’s StrengthsFinder.

Jacquez Gray: Yes. StrengthsFinders. I’m a woo.

That’s my number one strength. And all of mine are really in relationship building. So Woo. And communication are top, my top two.

And so winning others over is my thing. Like I can do it with my eyes closed, which is probably why I’m in sales now. But again, I was on the orientation team. I was an ra, I was president of gospel choir.

I’m in housing,

Helena Gardener: yeah.

Jacquez Gray: I can just talk to people. I can engage, I can relate. Regardless of who you, I can try to relate to you. And I think that’s a strength of mine, but it also, people can use that in a negative way to get what they need from the job. So my experience in higher ed was a little rocky because I was starting to realize that am I going to this conference and presenting, or am I on the recruitment team because you think I can actually recruit the folks?

Or am I on the recruitment team because of my identity and I can recruit the folks and I, I can bring them in, right? And so I had this battle, internal battle of. I’m out here recruiting folks to come to this institution. I don’t even believe in the institution though. Like I’ve lost that.

You know what I mean? I, how can I bring you here? And I’m struggling as a human to be successful, to do what I need to do, but I’m still recruiting folks that look like me. You know what I mean? And that could be normal for a lot of POCs when you’ll never, with TPE, we everybody love, I loved going to tpe.

Helena Gardener: Yeah.

Jacquez Gray: You know what I mean? But I begin to reflect on I, why am I going, what is this, what is in it for me? And so I, I experienced that and I made the decision that this is not how I want to do this work. I want to make a shift. I wanna focus on me.

I wanna focus on how do I better the lives of folks who are in this field. And so I beginning to do research about racial battle fatigue. So if you ever heard that term Dr. William Smith, he actually worked at Western Illinois, but he works at. The University of Utah now he coined the term racial battle fatigue.

And it was something that really struck me to my core of what does this mean? And this is what I’ve been feeling the whole time, right? Of I’m tired and I gotta support my brother over here and my sister over here who, black or brown whatever, or whatever the marginalized identity is.

I’m gonna support you. But then you take that on, and now that’s secondary trauma that I’ve taken on. And so I begin to reflect on what does this mean for me and why do I need to experience this? And then I go back to this idea of faith and being resilient, right? My faith was able to remind me that this is, you’re going through this for a reason, there’s a purpose behind this, and there are learning moments.

And in the moment you won’t see it. My last institution I worked at, I was down to my, I was down and out to my core, like to my core. It was probably the worst I’ve ever felt. My dignity my my sanity my happiness, my joy was gone. It was taken, it was robbed from me, and I didn’t understand that.

But in the end, my faith said, you got this, you’re in this season for a reason. Again, you will understand it by and by, as the church folks say, but you’ll understand it at a la at a later moment. And so in general I think it’s important for us or folks to find something that you believe in and whatever that could be, whatever that looks like for you.

I’m not telling people that you need to be believing in God, do your thing, right? Whatever floats your boat. But if there is something that you believe in, whether it is spirituality, whether it is God, find it and let it be your anchor, right? Because, and it truly will get you to a place that you can see the light.

Even whatever is happening around you, you’ll still be able to like, you know what, I can make it. ’cause this said this or this, I was reminded by this scripture or whatever. I can still make it. So that’s my story. I truly believe in this idea of faith. And this idea that faith is the sum, no, resistance is the sum of your faith, right?

Because I have faith and I believe in it. I don’t like I am resilient, right? I have to be resilient. You know what I mean?

Helena Gardener: You, I thank you for that. So I had this I might have had this conversation with you before I had this conversation about realizing the moment I realized that there was challenge to grit and resilience.

I understand. I understand the story. For those who don’t know, I really encourage you go do your research on it, because that’s not the labor I’m gonna give to that. The labor I’m gonna give today is knowing until experiencing the controversy. Now I give a little bit of folks having to be strong for all the wrong reasons, but living a life of being real proud of my resiliency, of being real proud.

I’ll go with real here for the sake of saying, proper English. Really proud of my resilience. And I did that real and really thing because I know where I come from. I know what my journey is like, and sometimes resilience comes from me being real, not really real, right?

From understanding the tongue and the native language of which I speak.

But knowing that the ability to persevere, to try again and to try one more time was like a superpower.

And then the day I was met with you shouldn’t be proud of that being really conflicted.

Because I don’t know.

I don’t think I’ve ever really understood by and by until you just said it that way. So thank you. It

Jacquez Gray: makes

Helena Gardener: sense. That’s because life had been by,

And it had been like you. If you’re going to make it, you have to keep going.

But to also know that light is only on because the faith matches the belief that I can.

I just appreciate the pause. Yeah. I appreciate the big pause in knowing that resiliency doesn’t come without faith.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: I also wanna appreciate knowing you and knowing some stories that your two stories gave examples, but there are examples. Maybe it was three examples you put in there, but there are examples Yeah.

That you didn’t speak of. There is an example that will come to you unfortunately, at any point in the remainder of the rest of the day.

That will require you to continue to practice resiliency and will require you to lean into limit on faith. So I just, I thank you. For sharing it because in the way that it is not my labor to explain today, sometimes it can be our labor to have to demonstrate through examples.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah. Yeah.

Helena Gardener: That what happened actually helped.

So I appreciate you just naming, this is about faith and this is about resiliency. Yeah. This is not about the what

Jacquez Gray: exactly. Yep.

Helena Gardener: Because it’s unchanging.

So this isn’t taking me to my question. So thank you for playing again. So at when you started the story, I was like young jaque.

Then I was like, young Jaque, why you have that experience? But also a couple weeks ago was doing a session in the academic building on campus, and I’m walking by this big classroom and as I walked by the classroom, just this got big window. So I’m looking, it’s, I can see. So I’m looking at what they did.

So I’m just looking, walking by now, I will name. That I noticed other brown skin beings. What I wanna talk about is the one black man that I saw in the space.

And it was a big classroom. Like it was a massive classroom. It was a nice walk, the length of the window. And when I saw him, I was like, oh wow.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah. Yeah.

Helena Gardener: Actually I continued to the restroom. Got to the restroom, and I thought about why did that Wow me. When I’m gonna return to a space and also be the only BLO young person.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah. Yeah.

Helena Gardener: So I had to say he, why does that stand out to you?

But it did for me, because I think about what that labor, what that resiliency in my package of faith has to look like to keep going.

How much? I don’t even notice it anymore.

Because it’s a way of life to exist. Yeah. How for this young person, I’m looking and I’m like, wow, like this what you’re doing today on this Friday. That’s crazy. But you probably do it often on Fridays, and this is the first time I’m noticing, but I wonder how many people notice.

And the part I didn’t add is that it was apparent they were doing group work.

He was at a table by himself.

Jacquez Gray: Now

Helena Gardener: I’m on the outside. I don’t know what they talking about. I don’t know what’s going on. Yeah.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: I don’t know if he like the worst group project participant that had ever been in a group project and don’t know nobody wanna work.

I don’t know what the story is.

But the story that I saw in just my short walk was like, man, if he looked up at me, I would give him a little head. No. You got it. You know you got it. But I’m curious,

what would you share? To this random person who doesn’t even know what we’re talking about, like what’s a thought that you would give him as it relates to faith and resiliency that you now know, having taken a journey forward, going through some things. Like what is something you would say to young him as if he was young?

Depressed.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah. That’s a great quiz, Jen. Thank you for asking that. I, sometimes I’m gonna answer this in two different ways. ’cause sometimes I’ve been told that I’m not empathetic. And sometimes I know that empathy is not on my I know,

Helena Gardener: but that’s not in your top.

Jacquez Gray: Oh, no. I don’t think that Probably like 30.

How many is 34? It’s probably like 33. I don’t know. I’m kidding. It’s not that little. But empathy is something that I had to learn. With while supervising, okay. That I need to lead with empathy because my natural response always is yes. And

Helena Gardener: yeah,

Jacquez Gray: this is, yes, this is happening and it is terrible.

1% and I agree. And tomorrow the sun is shining and it is a new day. That it that, it comes off as Jack. Really? I get, I hear you. And I’ve been told that. And so now I’ve learned to be like, yes let me sit in this space with you too. But at some point I’m gonna say, it is time for us to get up.

’cause we gotta keep going. And our ancestors have taught us that you can’t sit and waddle in this. You have to, you don’t have another choice actually. World is you are already behind and the world was gonna leave you. You know what I mean? So what I will say to the young me or this young person is believe in yourself.

You got it. Regardless, right? You’re sitting by yourself or you’re the only one. You got it. Believe in yourself and keep going. And I think a lot of times there are gonna be potholes in the road or obstacles and things like that. And we’re gonna go right into it. But we will always come out even if we’re wet, if we hurt and behind.

But we will still come out glorious and victorious. ’cause one, I might not just add. We are kings and queens. Just lemme just throw that out there. It’s March 4th. I don’t care. But we are we come from that and so we, yeah. We exude that in our existence in general. But keep going.

Whatever, whatever it is, find what anchors you and keep moving. Always. And it gets hard. It is hard. I’m, I can’t sit here and say that it’s not hard. It is extremely, I’m even in this moment right now, I’m saying, I’m talking to me in this moment That Jacque you in this

moment.

Helena Gardener: I felt like it was talking to me.

Like I, I felt like it was Yeah. Because a little bit of not having that moment of girl, you sitting in the space in the same way. You can miss it in the keep going. You can miss it in the resiliency, like you said, younger, you working at the desk missed it.

Jacquez Gray: Yep.

Helena Gardener: Until you saw.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: And sometimes when you see it, I feel like it can become the distraction, right? It can easily take you down because it just is, it is awful. It’s wrong. And, epigenetically, we are, we’re the ones that made it.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: It’s, it is in us to keep going that is not at the exchange, of the yuck.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: Like we not here for the yuck, but the yuck comes unfortunately until. The systems fold. These are the systems of which we are oppressed, suppressed, living within with the under, however it goes. And some days it hurts to keep going. Some days,

Jacquez Gray: yes,

Helena Gardener: you don’t have choice then. And

Jacquez Gray: some days you don’t know why.

You know why you’re keep going. You don’t even, why you’re going, you

Helena Gardener: don’t know you where I’m going. But

Jacquez Gray: you don’t know where you’re going.

Helena Gardener: You don’t know where. You don’t know where, but you know that.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: You keep going. And as your mom said I just thought it was cute, and I love that you bring your mom into it and shout out to Jacque’s mom for supporting her boys.

Sometimes you do it with no. Because keeping going. You also don’t also have that.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: That extra to give what you showed up to death. A little bit on that particular Friday, I looked at that student and I, and what I said on my way back was literally like, literally intended, like we showed up today.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: We gonna do it again tomorrow because we’re, we are here. And even though our race starts my hand literally disappear and our race starts over there. We are deserving. And we belong. Belong. And I truly know that, I always knew that I wanna stay in front of all the people. That was reinforced for me during my understanding of that very hard time.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: So I think you unfortunately, HR at the trauma that you will continue to live with, I think you are still reminding other people how important it is to know that you have place. You belong even if your sense of is off.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah. Yeah.

Helena Gardener: Or belong is on point.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: So I just, I appreciate that and I appreciate being here with you.

Like I said, it never goes away, but watching your sense

Move in a different direction. Yeah. And one more time on the sense, and then it becomes your common sense. Yeah. Because common sense is not common, but when you get it,

Jacquez Gray: yeah.

Helena Gardener: You collect them all and you keep them. So thank you for that.

We’re gonna wind down on time. Okay. But also wanna be real cheesy and young. And this is where my son was saying I’m probably cringey because one of my favorite lyrics in this young people’s music is similar to what you said every day. The sun don’t shine. But that’s why I love them all. And when said that.

It was a space for me as an older person to be like, yes. Young people through all it is. You talk that talk.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: You get a chance to do it again. And by the grace of God, you get a chance to do it one more time. And so I thank you for sharing with us that resilience is we gonna see if that sun coming out tomorrow.

And we both from places where we get some winters and we don’t get no sun. We understand that. All podcasts when I get to talk in my talk, when you are of the sun’s energy, it ain’t nothing like the sun reminding you, recharging you, and keeping you moving forward.

Thank you for this message of resiliency. Thank you for this message of faith. And thank you for reminding folks that if your faith is not within Jesus, if perhaps you’re not quite ready for the wooly hair. Jesus, if it is not in God, however, you find your center.

Jacquez Gray: Yep.

Helena Gardener: In these times, all the time.

What I hear from you is you find that center, if you call that you know what is, what do they call it? Your value proposition. It’s in your value proposition. If it is a little bit more simplistic for you that it’s in your goals, put it over on your goals, but whatever it is. As you said, buy and buy.

Jacquez Gray: Yeah.

Helena Gardener: Get there. So I appreciate that word. I appreciate you sharing

Young Jacquez, older Jacquez and naming. The Constant is in us.

The constant is always in us, is poured into us through many ways, through our community, through our raising, through our upbringing, but mostly through our acknowledgement. Yeah, that we have that same light inside of us and we can look at it in ourself.

Lastly, I know you, these people getting to know you. Thank you for lifting your brother up in the spaces where you can help change the narrative

Jacquez Gray: for him. Absolutely.

Helena Gardener: I just appreciate you doing that. And when he is able to share in his glory,

Jacquez Gray: he’ll be on the

Helena Gardener: podcast, I hope. That he reminds you that you did the right thing by continuing to keep going and reinforcing for your mother that she didn’t make no mistakes.

Shout out to the models. Shout out to the models. On that note, I wanna thank you for your time today. I’m gonna circle back and do one more. Shout out to Folio. Shout out to Folio Jacque. You could shout him out. You want, you wanna say shout him? Let’s

Jacquez Gray: go Bolio. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go.

Helena Gardener: Lio specializes in furniture for residence hall spaces that assist in creating functional, welcoming environments for college campuses.

With over 10,000 completed residence hall projects and 35 years of hands-on experience, that brings serious expertise to student housing from design and through long-term durability. You can learn more about folio@folio.com. You can reach out to Jacquez. He can help get you connected in your regions, whatever you need.

But if you got, how’s it go? If you got quiz,

Jacquez Gray: you got a quiz, reach out.

Helena Gardener: Reach out. This has been, here’s the story, part of the Student Affairs Now family. We are so glad you joined us today. Sometimes on, here’s the story, we laugh, we cry, we learn, commiserate, we celebrate, and we always try to show up and be exactly who we are.

As being a part of the Student Affairs experience. If you have a story and we’ve all got a story, if you have a story, please consider sharing with us by leaving a two minute pitch via voice file at the student affairs now.com/ Here’s the story. If you know how to find me, reach out to me. I like listening to stories, I’m gonna hear it.

If you know my co-host list, reach out to them as well. But here’s the thing, don’t let your story go silent. This episode will be edited by the grade net am. Thank you for making us look good and sound as good as we do. I’m a fan of looking good every day, so thank you. And as I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, we as Student Affairs now have recently launched Student Affairs Now, Patreon Student Affairs now has always been more than a podcast.

It’s a learning community for people who care deeply about higher education and student affairs, I would offer. It’s also a place for people who just like to learn, listen, and expand their own growth. For the past five years, we’ve created space for conversations that inform, inspire, and affirm the work educators are doing across the field, and we’re incredibly grateful for our listeners, for our guests and collaborators who help this community.

Patreon will give us a chance to create even more ways for you to engage with the community, including discussion guides, a facilitated book club bonus content and opportunities to shape future discussion. If these conversations have ever sparked an ideal for your work, or help you feel more connected to others in the field, we love to have you join us there you can learn more and join a community at patreon.com/student affairs.

I messed that up. Let’s run that back. patreon.com/student affairs. Now again, this has been, here’s the story where I selfishly get the opportunity to pull in my friends until y’all go do a pitch at that link to pull in the folks I know in the field who have inspired me and big ways, small ways, in all the ways, and I’m grateful to have Jacquez here with us.

Thank you, folio, for the sponsorship. As always, I continue to be Helena Gardner, this has been here as the story. Thank you so much, Jeff. We

Jacquez Gray: you’re welcome.

Helena Gardener: And we have

Jacquez Gray: a good day.

Helena Gardener: Very thank you, and we’ll see you all next time. Bye bye.