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Episode Description

Learning to release the pressure of the “shoulds” and leaning into authentic desires is not easy feat. This episode explores the courageous decision of releasing the rules and making the decision to embrace a life worth living. 

Suggested APA Citation

Gardner, H. (Host). (2025, November 11) Here’s the Story: “Living without the ‘Shoulds'” (No. 301) [Audio podcast episode]. In Student Affairs NOW. https://studentaffairsnow.com/heres-the-story-living-without-the-should/

Episode Transcript

Helena Gardner:
Welcome to, Here’s the Story, A show that brings student affairs to life by sharing the authentic voices and lived experiences of those who are shaping the field every day. My name is Helena Gardner, and I’m your host today. My pronouns are she, her, hers, and I have served in higher education and multiple institutions for well over 20 years, primarily in housing.

I live my life as a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend, and a mentor. I wanna introduce you to our sponsor for today. Evolve is a series of leadership coaching journeys designed to bring clarity, capacity, and confidence, empowering courageous leadership to reimagine the future of higher education. I am very excited to be here today with one of a student affairs now co-host.

You’re not a cohost. You’re like the originator, Keith.

Keith Edwards: Co-host is great.

Helena Gardner: Keith Edwards. Keith at Edwards does many things. Most of all what I appreciate about you, Keith, is that you are committed to helping everyone in higher education and the ways that make sense to them, a variety of topics, but you continue to serve and do the work and give.

And so I’m excited to have you with us today. Um, if you could share a little bit about yourself, then we’ll come back and see what kind of story you wanna tell today.

Keith Edwards: Well, I love what you just said ’cause I’m a little teary just hearing that. I was really excited to hear what you’d say, but I really like that.

I think it, uh, it touches me because that is, that’s what I aspire to, is to continue to serve higher education and a little bit beyond, but mostly higher education in a lot of different ways. And I’m someone who’s broadly curious and likes to do lots of different things. But, um, one of the things people who I work with, hear me say a lot is that I love to be helpful.

Yeah. And so I can be helpful. I, I really love to be helpful. Yeah. I, and so I work in higher ed, uh, as a co-host with Student Affairs Now I do, uh, leadership coaching and training and development for emerging and executive leaders through Evolve, which you just shared with folks, curricular approaches, and lots of other things.

Helena Gardner: That is fantastic and I love that you said, um, that you move in a space of curiosity. Just had a great conversation with my son, encouraging me to remember to be curious. Yeah. And to know that being curious brings awareness. So

Keith Edwards: yeah,

Helena Gardner: thank you for affirming the message. And on that note, I am very curious to know what story you have to tell, ’cause I know you’ve got a bunch of ’em. So, what you wanna talk about today Keith?

Keith Edwards: I do, I, I have lots of them. You and I bantered about lots of possibilities and I’ve changed my mind seven times today about this story. Um, but I think I wanna tell the story today about my experience leaving my full-time campus-based role at Macalester College.

Um. And what that evoked in me. Uh, I started at Macalester actually before I started at Macalester. I got the job there, uh, in a flurry right around my dissertation and, uh, defending my dissertation at the University of Maryland. And when I shared with folks that I had accepted the job at Macalester as the director of campus life, I was very excited.

And Susan Komives, who is one of my faculty members and on my dissertation committee, and who’s someone who I adore and love and, uh, I think we should use that word more and I don’t use it lightly. Uh, but Susan’s just wonderful. And she sent me an email and said, this is a great job for you, Keith. This is a director of campus life.

Uh, you’ll soon be a dean of students. You’ll soon be a VP. And you’ll soon be a publishing VP. And for Susan to be a publishing vice president who is leading and practicing while also thinking and sharing Yes. Is the epitome. And the fact that Susan Komives thought I could be, that was so affirming and just the best compliment and I floated around on that. Um, and then I went to Macalester and I worked really hard at, at, sort of living into that. Mm-hmm. And doing that job to the best of my abilities. Well at times, poorly at times. Um. But I tried to, to do that job, to move up to be a dean of students there or somewhere else, and eventually a VP, not super directly.

Um, I’m not someone who focuses on the climbing, but I was trying to develop my skills and develop my capacity to be able to do that. About five years into that job, I went to a weekend coaching workshop where the person said, um, what is it that you want? And I said, oh, well, I wanna be a dean of students and I wanna be a vice president.

And the the person really got in my face and said, I think that’s just a story you’re telling yourself. I don’t think that’s what you really want. And it was true, and it was a, it was a story I had told myself and, um, something I had been really living into. And what I really thought about it, I didn’t want to be a dean of students.

I wanted the title and the pay. But that was it. Uh, and then I thought about being a vice president and I wanted the title and the pay and the office, but none of the rest of it. And that left me, uh, two thinking, um. I had missed out on making the most of my time ’cause I had been pursuing a path that is a wonderful path and many folks listening to this are on it and I think it’s great.

It just wasn’t my path. And it reminded me, one of the things I work with clients on a lot is the shoulds we have on ourselves, uh, the ways that others should on us, the way the society should on us, the way we should on ourselves. And what I realized in that moment is the hardest shoulds to let go of are the compliments.

And because I hold Susan Komives in such high regard, and it was such a compliment that she gave me that I didn’t question it. You know, when someone says, Keith, you’re never gonna amount to anything. I’m like, yeah, watch me. But when someone says, Keith, you’re gonna be amazing. I go, oh, and I don’t question that.

Um, and when I started to question it, it led me to things. I was also at that same time of that transformative weekend in that coaching workshop. I was meditating daily and I was reading a lot of positive psychology about what really brings people joy and meaning and fulfillment. And it wasn’t job titles, it wasn’t elevated positions, it was like short commutes, time with family, being in nature, having a job of purpose.

Um. So I decided in the fall of 2014 that my eighth year at Macalester would be my last. So I decided in the end of August, in the midst of orientation and RA training, that this would be my last year. And I would leave at the end of the year and at Macalester, that was the end of May. So I started, decided, uh, about a year out.

I didn’t tell anybody ’cause no one wants to be dead man, walking that long ’cause people move on. Uh, but I knew and I told my partner and that was a decision that I had made, but I also could take it back. I could push it out a year, you know, there was some flexibility ’cause I hadn’t made any big announcements.

And so I had this year of going through the cycle, uh, orientation, move in ra training, convocation, opening, like all these things that you know you’re gonna do year after year after year. I knew this was my last one, and so I kind of got to savor them a little bit. I kind of got to look at them and go, why do we do this?

This doesn’t make any sense, right? I had a whole different experience of it, and I was assigned three very complicated Title IX cases to investigate, uh, that fall. And each time I thought, oh, this is, these are miserable. They’re convoluted and complicated, and they’re difficult. And no matter what the outcome is, people don’t like it.

Nobody likes it. This is what’s gonna remind me that I wanna leave. It wasn’t, I felt like I was needed. They were really hard. But my knowledge of sexual violence, my knowledge of the law, my knowledge of counseling skills, and listening and being there and navigating all of that, I really felt like my skills and talents were needed.

Um. It was when Becky’s mom called about the room temperature in her room for the third time that week that I thought, I gotta get outta here. This I can’t do. So it wasn’t the big, hairy, scary deal that’s that that affirmed my choice to leave. It was the minutia that, um, I just didn’t want to deal with anymore.

I was with my team from Macalester at the ACPA Residential Curriculum Institute. Now the Institute on the Curricular Approach, which in 2014, October, 2014, was held at Virginia Tech. Wonderful Institute. So many great things. And I was with the team from Macalester about the six of us in the airport to fly home.

And I got the news from our dean of students that one of our students had died. And that the dean of students had gone to do a welfare check on the room and found the body of the student, uh, which is a thing that I had done about 10 times this semester, my whole time. Uh, always prepared, uh, but never had that experience, and, and he did.

And thankfully I was with my team from Residence Life and we were gonna go back and really jump into this right away, and we got to process and be on the plane and think through this and come back. And what eventually happened is we hosted a memorial service for the students at Macalester and it was packed in the chapel at Macalester, which is kind of an open air, it’s not actually open air ’cause it’s Minnesota, but it’s kind of glassed in so it feels open air.

And it was packed and it was literally standing room only. And so as a good staff member, I didn’t take a seat or take any space and I found myself sitting on the very outside of the chapel where I couldn’t see anything that was happening. Uh, sitting on the floor on the carpet. With my knees held up against me, but I could hear the whole event.

And what I heard in that event was a relatively new chaplain who had just had a baby navigate these two parents and their shock and surprise and grief through this experience of their mourning and their grieving. And a community, some of which who knew the student and some of which didn’t, but they, they, they knew of a 19-year-old in college and could relate and connect.

And I remember sitting there not being able to see, but really connecting, uh, with the parents and really connecting with the chaplain and what that must have been like for her to just have had a baby. And now hear these, watch these folks who had lost their baby. Right. You can be a 19-year-old, six foot tall baby.

Yes. And I remember sitting on the floor just thinking, that’s all that matters. That’s all that matters. My daughters were two and four at the time. I had memories of checking email on my phone while putting them to sleep. I had memories about, I hope they go to bed soon so that I can get to work to get a little bit more work done.

I had memories of, of missing birthdays because of conferences. I had memories of missing big moments ’cause I was away for two nights at RA training camp and and other things. And I just thought, I’m not doing that. And one of the things I talk with leaders about is getting really rooted in what you care about and what your purpose is and what you won’t compromise separate from the should separate from society, separate from what your mentor says, and when you really get that figured out, and I really got it figured out.

Sitting on the floor of that chapel, listening to those parents grieve, listening to that chaplain, try her best to navigate through that, that, um, being a dean of students and a vice president didn’t matter to me that I wanted to be a great dad, and anything that made that more possible was gonna be something I would throw myself into entirely.

And so that was in October. And I ended up walking away from Macalester at the end of May, sharing publicly about that in February so that people could make decisions and choices and navigate through that. And our vice president, who had been there for 20 plus years also announced she was retiring at the end of the year.

And our director of security, who had been there for 40 years said he was walking away. So I got caught up in the retirements of people who had spent decades. And I had been there for eight years and, and I, I shared that not as my retirement ’cause I’m too pretty for that. Um, which is a great joke about my age.

But I said I was graduating from Macalester and that’s how I thought about it ever since. Wow.

Helena Gardner: So for folks listening, I need to name. I knew. I knew what you were gonna talk about and I was like, I’m okay.

Keith Edwards: Mm-hmm.

Helena Gardner: And hearing what you talked about though, is a full life reflection.

Keith Edwards: Yeah.

Helena Gardner: In a way that I have to. I agree with you is bigger than roles, titles, and positions.

Keith Edwards: Mm-hmm.

Helena Gardner: So I’m sitting with that and it’s, it’s making me have this loss of words. Um, because to be honest, I think that we can keep moving and keep doing and keep going and not ever pause long enough to really see the cycle.

Yeah. You know, as, as helpers, as teachers, as educators. As supporters, sometimes we do more.

Keith Edwards: Mm-hmm.

Helena Gardner: we sit and see, think, and reflect. So for first, I want to thank you for sharing that story, but also for the self reminder to really see what we’re doing.

Keith Edwards: Yeah. It’s so easy to do. I mean, finish high school, go to college, finish college fo to grad school. Yeah. Get a job. Get a doctorate, get a job, get a better job, get a better job. Like you just, you just keep the, you just keep going in front of you, right? Like this promotion and when do you stop and say, and I had to have someone like literally yell at me. I think that’s not what you want.

I think that’s a story that you like about you, that you’ll be a dean of students and that you’ll be a vice president, but that’s not what you want. Um. And then sitting on, literally on the floor on the carpet, hugging my knees listening to these parents sob and a chaplain who couldn’t get through the memorial service,

Helena Gardner: right.

Because also thinking about the full cycle of life, their own experience. Yeah. And and caring for the student. I don’t wanna miss, like caring for the student is something that I think we do often. Yeah. And didn’t feel maybe second.

Keith Edwards: And I think she was caring for the parents in that moment.

Helena Gardner: Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Keith Edwards: And I was just thinking those parents don’t care whether they’re an associate vice president or a vice president right now. Yeah. They would do anything to get their. Their child back and have one more dinner.

Helena Gardner: Absolutely.

Keith Edwards: One more, um, frustrating moment. One more difficult conflict. One more hanging up of the phone.

Like they would do anything to have those. Difficult experience, just, just gimme anything for one more chance at that. And so I wanted to be as present, literally, but also figuratively, like paying attention for as many moments as I possibly could. The good ones, the hard ones, the difficult ones, the inconsequential ones.

Helena Gardner: So I feel like this question I have is kind of silly because I don’t know how one would. But I’m sure there was at least one day that, maybe not regret, but you second-guessed that decision. Can you tell us about that day, if it existed for you?

Keith Edwards: Um, I probably, I’m sure you’re right. Um, but I don’t really remember them and if they, there have been moments or days it has been very fleeting. Um. There was a time where I would check new roles in the Chronicle every day, and then I realized I wasn’t really looking for me, I was looking for other people like, oh, you know, who’d be good for that? And you know, who’d be good for that.

Helena: Well, that’s cool.

Keith: Uh, yeah. The best part about not hiring and not job searching is you can really help other people who are hiring and are job searching. I said I love to be helpful. Um, but no, I think that, um.

Leaving that, and I love Macalester. Still do. It’s a great place, incredible place. Great students, great faculty. It’s, it’s special. It was also hard, and I was treated unfairly, I think, and I wasn’t appreciated. And that, that’s all part of that story too. Yeah. It wasn’t just epiphany. I think there were some things that I struggled with and didn’t felt seen, heard and appreciated.

I also had a side gig for years before that doing speaking and consulting, and so I could scale it up. So, um, I also am very privileged in the ways that we think of that. That’s true. Mm-hmm. I’ve also been very fortunate. That is also true. Uh, I’ve also worked my tail off. That is – all of the above. Right? They don’t cancel each other. Yes. Right. The hard work doesn’t cancel out being privileged, the breeding privileged doesn’t cancel out. Also, being fortunate, all of that has been a part of the journey

Helena Gardner: What I love about you naming it in that way is for me, I heard that in juxtaposition to the shoulds.

Keith Edwards: Mm-hmm.

Helena Gardner: You found the what you are, how it is and what it is, and you led with that versus, yeah. How you should have been or you should be. Yeah. So tell me what you think about the shoulds now. How do the shoulds look to you? Having the opportunity to kind of experience and answer the question of doing what you want?

Keith Edwards: Yeah. I mean, it’s something that I ask my coaching clients all the time. I, I just was talking with a coaching client who’s saying, you know, I’m an AVP, do I want to be a vp? Mm-hmm. And I said, here’s the deal. Um. I work with people who are smart, talented, and personable, and there’s a lot of smart people in this world.

There’s a lot of personable people in this world. There are not a lot of people who are smart, talented, and personable. Right? That’s, that’s a very limited set. And I tell these folks all the time, there’s an old game you had to play where you would look in the Chronicle. Take calls from search firms about new positions and see if you want to do that or not.

I don’t think that’s a game anyone should play at the senior level. I think you should figure out what do you want? Stop ordering off the menu. Create your own, figure out what you want and go get it. Don’t look at the menu of options that happened to be available in October, 2025 for higher ed leadership and go, well, which ones am I gonna apply to?

Figure out what you want. Which is the hard part. Separate from the should separate from what your mentor wanted, separate from what’s the next level up. Separate from what your colleagues in grad school are now doing. What do you want? And then go get it and go get it is actually quite easy. My clients don’t have any problem with the strategy and execution.

They do that all day long. What they have trouble with is, I think I want to be a VP. Do you? And sometimes they do, which is fine. I work with a lot of VPs. I work with a lot of presidents. I think that’s great if that’s what you want, but a lot of people end up working really hard to get a thing for years or a decade.

They get the thing and then look around and go, I don’t even want this. And I think that’s a real tragedy. So if we can say, what do you want? Well, I want to be a VP at a small, private liberal arts college on the East coast that really values, uh, internationalism and this and this and this. Okay, great.

Let’s go get it. Yeah. Rather than what’s available. Yeah. A search firm called about this, do I want, okay. You’re, you’re just choosing from a limited set of options and you know, when you graduate with your masters, you, you do that, right? You or off the menu, you, but when you get to a certain level, you gotta shift away from that.

Helena Gardner: I love that. That’s such great advice. I’m taking it in personally and it makes a lot of sense. It makes a lot of sense because eventually, you know, I like to say post 40, I realized I was living my life. At 40, I was living my life for who knows what and why.

Keith Edwards: Right. Sure.

Helena Gardner: For 40 years, right? Meeting people’s expectations, following the path. This is, and then somewhere early 40s, something clicked for me. What? This is my life and started making decisions ever since for the next, what I say the next half of my life. And if I do this math right, um, it’s a half, maybe I’m more like 75% of my life, so I can have, you know, a little bit more time on the other end if I’m lucky enough. And because for 40 years it was the shoulds.

Helena Gardner: It feels like early stages of learning.

Keith Edwards: Yeah. Yeah.

Helena Gardner: So today you shared this story.

Keith Edwards: Mm-hmm.

Helena Gardner: Why this one today? What are you seeing? What are you hearing? What are you thinking? What have you learned?

Keith Edwards: I, I think what evoked this story today is the leaders that I’m talking to in higher education in particular, who tell me it is so hard, and I believe them.

And, um, one of the things I tell them is I want to help you be the eye at the center of the hurricane. I want you to be so grounded, so centered, so rooted, so that you can be calm and navigate this world swirling around you, rather than being tossed around in the storm. If you’re waiting for the world to get organized, to bring you peace, calm, and joy.

Um, you’re in trouble. I use stronger language, but you’re in trouble. Um, how are you gonna find peace, calm, and joy? And then navigate the chaos, the uncertainty, the VUCA – the volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous world that we’re living in. Mm-hmm. I work with a lot of my clients, uh, just about every coaching client.

The first four sessions are, are cornerstones or personal foundations that really help them figure out what they want and get them away from the shoulds and get, this is what matters to me. This is what I won’t compromise separate from my parents, separate from my culture, separate from my faith, separate from my shoulds, separate from my mentors, but informed by all of that.

What I genuinely, truly care about are these things, and then once you’re clear about that, then what do you want becomes a much easier question based on that rather than – well, my roommate when I was in grad school makes $125, and so I gotta make more than that or so, right. There’s this, there’s this point we all go through where our amazing, impressive friends become VPs and then there’s the point where our unimpressive unamazing friends become VPs and we look around and go, what is going on?

Um, but keeping up with the Joneses… I’m not a Jones. Yeah. You know, I want to figure out what’s the life I wanna lead and, and I’m, I’m inspired. This story is about death. I’m inspired by death. That, that, that student’s death was tragic and it really inspired a major shift in my life. I am inspired by hearing people on their deathbed and what they care about and what they don’t care about. They care about the things that they regret, the things they never tried. They never gave a shot. They never said that’s what they care about. And so, um, living life without regret I think is a big part of that.

But I talk with a lot of higher ed folks who, um, are caught up in the storm, are trying to please everyone and pleasing no one they are trying to make people happy who aren’t gonna be happy, but they’ve lost their roots, they’ve lost their center, they’ve lost their ground. And when you gain that, then navigating all of that very difficult stuff is a completely different experience. And I was trying to think what was my moment of that? Um, ’cause I’m really good at telling other people’s stories, but this was, you made me tell mine. I was remembering sitting on the floor in that chapel listening to these parents grieve and a chaplain who had just had a baby navigate their grief as parents and thinking I can’t think of anything else that measures up. And that was part of my root, part of my grounding, part of my centering.

Helena Gardner: Thank you for sharing that, Keith. I wanna say this with tact and I can’t think of any other way to say it, but it is, it’s an interesting space to be, and to share, to be inspired by death.

Keith Edwards: Mm-hmm.

Helena Gardner: And yet it is so foundational to the gift of life. That is, that is what I’m hearing is…

Keith Edwards: Yeah. If we had unlimited time today wouldn’t mean anything.

Helena: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. We don’t. It’s limited for sure.

Helena Gardner: And we don’t.

Keith Edwards: wAnd e don’t know when.

Helena Gardner: And, we don’t know when. Yeah. And we don’t know when. And so, I don’t know. I think the final question I have you, I just have so many directions I wanna go with this. As you are helping and coaching folks how are we doing with finding our center with the Great Resignation, proceeding us a few years back changes all over this country and the globe impacting the work as we’ve known it, um, experiencing students differently post COVID, I would offer, we probably always, were going to get a different experience in this work. How are we doing when you ask us to center ourselves? And I’ll say it this way, when you were, what’s next and you had some years to work on your want and not your shoulds. Mm-hmm. How are folks who didn’t pause early enough? How are they doing? Can we do it? It’s so many things in this I, like, I could do a who, who, what, when, and how with that question.

Keith Edwards: Anybody can do it and it doesn’t be have to do something you do early. It can be something. And I, I just finished up with a client who is 82 years old and retiring for the third time. Oh, now she’s actually been retired for 20 years, but she’s retiring from a board position and she’s trying to figure out what do I really want?

What do I want to move forward? And for her it is about connecting with her native culture and roots and language and being in nature and being with her husband, uh, and cutting everything else out. So we can do this at any stage in the game. The tools I very specifically that I use is, what is your inner guide, which is a visualization.

What is your life purpose? Getting that down to a sentence that you have memorized. What are your core values, which are three to five core values that you might get tattooed on your left arm? And then learning how to navigate what I call your inner critic, which is that voice in our head that says “You’re not good enough.”

But maybe if you get a VP role, you will be, um, you’re not good enough. But maybe if you make this much money, then you will be, um, you’re not good enough. But maybe if you get the NASPA pillars of the profession, you will be, and I mean, how many people have you, I’ve heard people say, if I never make a vp.

I don’t, my career is a failure. Yeah. And I just remember, I Now I hear that with so much. Uh, I just wanna give you a hug. Yeah. If, if that’s what your whole self-worth is centered around. That just makes me so sad. And I just want to give you a hug and say, you’re so much more that.

Helena Gardner: Oh, that’s so precious. That’s so precious.

Keith Edwards: We can, we can do it at any time. And when you have those things to turn to at three o’clock in the morning when you can’t sleep, to turn to right before you go in and have the really tough conversation to turn to when you’re driving into work and you don’t wanna, uh, to turn to.

When you gotta give the speech in front of everyone, then you walk through life grounded and centered. And rooted. And then COVID just becomes another practice. The Trump administration becomes another way to practice. Uh, the student difficulty becomes another way to practice the student protests in the admin building gives another opportunity to practice.

And we shift how we engage with the storms swirling around us. ’cause I don’t think that storm’s going away. I think that storm’s gonna get more complex, more uncertain as we continue on. And so rather than say it shouldn’t be this way, these things shouldn’t be happening to us. I agree. But that’s arguing with reality or let’s just wait until enrollment is full.

I talk to a lot of people. Their enrollment’s great. They’re still panicking. Yeah. Um, so how do we bring centeredness so we can lead from there? Because leading from fear and scarcity is totally understandable, and I completely get it. And there is so much evidence. And it won’t help you lead forward.

Helena Gardner: Hmm. And it, and it sounds like, um, it feeds the shoulds.

Keith Edwards: Oh, yeah.

Helena Gardner. Starts to feed the shoulds.

Keith Edwards: And that inner critic is like, I love it, Let’s go.

Helena Gardner:Aand you’re chasing

Keith: Yeah. Saying that you not smart enough, you’re not accomplished enough. You’re not, you’re not enough. Yeah. You’re not whatever. But it’s basically you’re not enough.

Helena Gardner: Yeah. And yet, if you’re practicing those things you identified, it’s not actually about being enough. I’m hearing it as. Being able to do it in the ways that make sense for you to you. And that’s really, that’s all you can give. Yeah.

Keith Edwards: You have these inner resources Yeah. That, that don’t have another job. That don’t charge by the hour. Yeah. That are there at three o’clock in the morning when you can’t sleep. Yeah. Uh, they become things that you can build a life around.

Helena Gardner: And in those inner resources, those are the things we bring. Yeah.

Right. I just thinking of so many conversations. Um, when we’re sitting at that table, we bring our inner resources. Yeah. And it doesn’t have to be two things more. We might stretch that skill a little bit further depending on what’s going on. And if that’s not the thing on our list, yeah. Tap in someone else sometimes.

Keith Edwards: Yeah.

Helena Gardner: But we don’t have to tap ourselves out and dispose of ourselves because of the shoulds. And I just appreciate that. ’cause also what I wanna say in this story today, what I heard is you found, um, somewhere else, somehow else, someplace else to do it.

Keith Edwards: Mm-hmm.

Helena Gardner: Mm-hmm. That felt like what you wanted. Not what you should have done.

Keith Edwards: Right. Well, and what I was leaving for in May, 2015 is not at all what I’m doing now, but that’s probably a different story.

Helena Gardner: Yeah. Well, I mean, you’re still raising those babies. You’re still raising those babies.

Keith Edwards: They’re now 13 and 15. And they’re still my babies.

Helena Gardner: Yes, yes. Well, Keith, thank you for sharing that story today.

I thank you for having, I think that a lot of. A lot of us, a lot of us in doing this work are looking to make it make sense and we don’t, we don’t know. And what I appreciate about this platform we have is the opportunity to hear from a colleague, reflect, take it in. Really get to normalizing our experiences in ways that maybe don’t match exactly what we’re all doing.

Mm-hmm. But in fact, in this life thing, we’re all on the same journey. We’re absolutely all on the same journey. And so I really thank you for this story. I know you have so many to tell, but thank you for this story.

Keith Edwards: Yeah, thank you. Thank you for having me.

Helena Gardner: Thank you. Well, friends, I am. I’m in awe, and I’m just gonna say it’s because I’m in a very personal space of reflection.

Keith and I will chitchat about that later. But I wanna close out with a little bit more about Evolve. We’re a great sponsor today as you, a company Keith works very closely with. Higher education is facing unprecedented challenges. Higher education needs courageous leadership now more than ever, and poor leadership has never been more costly.

A new generation of leaders with the capacity to lead forward is not optional. It’s urgent. These challenges, I’m sorry. These challenges are also full of possibilities for courageous leaders who are able to let go and move forward, accepting the challenges we are facing as real and embracing their agency to lead with and through them at Evolve.

Evolve helps leaders face these realities with clarity, capacity, and confidence. Evolve offers leadership coaching journeys for leadership teams and individual leaders focused on executive leaders, emerging executives, emerging leaders, and those leading for equity. This has been, Here’s the Story, part of the Student Affairs Now family. We are so glad you joined us today, and I hope you had a chance to reflect. Maybe you cried a little, maybe you laughed a little. I hope you learned a lot and I hope you always continue to celebrate being a part of the Student Affairs experience. If you have a story and we all have a story to tell, please consider sharing with us by leaving a two-minute pitch via voice file at studentaffairsnow.com.

If you know how to find me, please reach out to me directly. I’m happy to get you connected. Every story is welcome. Every earnest perspective is worthy. And if you don’t feel like sharing yours, you can still find my story, Keith’s story, and other stories at studentaffairsnow.com, on YouTube, and anywhere you listen to podcast.

Again, this has been, Here’s the Story. Thank you so much, Keith, for being with us, and we will join you all on the next episode. Thank you.

Panelists

Keith Edwards

Keith helps leaders and organizations make transformational change for leadership, learning, and equity. His expertise includes curricular approaches to learning beyond the classroom, allyship and equity, leadership and coaching, authentic masculinity, and sexual violence prevention. He is an authentic educator, trusted leader, and unconventional scholar. Keith has consulted with more than 300 organizations, written more than 25 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters, and has more than 1,000 hours as a certified leadership and executive coach. He is the author of the book Unmasking: Toward Authentic Masculinity. He co-authored The Curricular Approach to Student Affairs and co-edited Addressing Sexual Violence in Higher Education. His TEDx Talk on preventing sexual violence has been viewed around the world.

Keith was previously the Director of Campus Life at Macalester College in St. Paul, MN where he provided leadership for the areas of residential life, student activities, conduct, and orientation. He was an affiliate faculty member in the Leadership in Student Affairs program at the University of St. Thomas, where he taught graduate courses on diversity and social justice in higher education for 8 years.  

Hosted by

Helena Gardner

Helena Gardner is the Director of Residence Education and Housing Services at Michigan State University. An authentic and dedicated student affairs professional, she is committed to fostering lifelong learning experiences and meaningful relationships.

With nearly 25 years of experience in student housing, Helena provides leadership and direction for the daily oversight and operations of the residential experience at MSU. Her career has spanned a diverse range of student populations and institutional settings, including for-profit, non-profit, public, and private institutions. She has extensive experience working with public-private partnerships (P3s), sorority housing, and a variety of residential models, from single-family houses and traditional residence halls to specialized living-learning communities and student apartments.

A strong advocate for academic partnerships, Helena has collaborated closely with residential colleges and living-learning communities to enhance student success. Her passion for co-curricular development has also been evident through her long-standing involvement with ACPA.

Although her professional journey has taken her across the country, Helena proudly considers Detroit, MI, her home. She is also a devoted mother to her amazing son, Antwan, who is well into his collegiate journey. Guided by the philosophy “Be Great,” Helena is deeply passionate about inspiring herself and others to live their best lives.

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